Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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