i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Everyone says I win the strip club
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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