Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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