R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
