it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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