he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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