fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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