The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
