He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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