I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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