Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
