yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
