Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
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i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
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Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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