Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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