Where did you get a picture of my penis
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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