i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
