In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
