thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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