I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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