is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
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No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
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the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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