I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
a search helicopter?!
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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