Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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