my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!