I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.