Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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