where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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