the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
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I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
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They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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