Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
