Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
