Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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