My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
