dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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