Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
