mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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