Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Randomize
