no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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