If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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