im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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