sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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