But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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