So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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