is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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