Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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