Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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