Three words: puerto rican gang bang
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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