the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
