i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
