i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
