There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
