Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
