oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
