Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
