I just saw a hot homeless man
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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