I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
