Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
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