I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
