Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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