so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Randomize
