U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I did not marry a roomba.
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