Will you blow on my dice?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
