I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
