Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
