Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
