I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
