hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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