3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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