Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
