Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
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